Chuck Norris Facts – My Favorites

1 minute read

I am sure you have seen them all. Kris and I laugh at these all the time. Here is my top list:

Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ smile once brought a puppy back to life.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
There is no Control button on Chuck Norris’ computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.