Chuck Norris Facts – My Favorites

I am sure you have seen them all. Kris and I laugh at these all the time. Here is my top list:

  • Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
  • Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris’ smile once brought a puppy back to life.
  • When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
  • When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
  • There is no Control button on Chuck Norris’ computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
  • Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
  • When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
  • Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  • If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

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