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We all stood in line this morning which seemed the perfect crowning to the definition of military efficiency. The middle aged officer (she had the officer look) made the comment of something about “hurry up and wait.” For fear that a conversation would be sparked up, I nodded in response. She took the bait and dove into the triad of her military career. 21st of June and it was muster. I was surrounded by literally hundreds of stories of past foxholes and military blunders.The MSgt. at the in processing counter made the mistake of never changing her repeating order of reporting to station 6 for ID cards first as that would take the longest. We all had that look of uncertainty as we trudged along the skinny hallways for station 6. The reminder was bittersweet as I leaned up against the aging painted walls with the LT behind me and the overweight SrA in front of me. We all listened to the stories of our past units and job codes as the line transitioned from moving to stand still. Military ingenuity paid off as I spoke up to the passing blue suitor, “LT, can I get my ID card at the Army Post near my house rather than wait for the one machine here?” The LT seemed somewhat impressed and checked my box and okayed the bypassing of line. I replayed the phrase, LT. It had been years since I referred to anyone as LT.A few of the guys I work with turned out to be Air Force themselves and we appeared to gravitate towards any resemblance of our civilian identities. We all visited the recruiter terminal for the quick briefing on what the Air Force could still offer us. Turned out we were all not that interested, smiled and checked the NO box.All I could think about this morning was my first visit to MEPS to join the military. We all had that look as we walked around in civi’s, but we all seemed scared. I kept expecting to see my Dad come around the corner armed with his camera to take that first shot of me enlisting. The moment never came and instead I waited for the day to end. Our last briefing was swift and we checked with finance to receive our 200 dollars for serving our country for a few hours.“Lunch is on me gentlemen” I told my coworkers and as it turned out, brothers. As we sat down to lunch at the local subway it occurred to me that the uniform never comes off. I have worked with one of these guys for 2 years and never knew of his military service. Our relationship took on a whole new dynamic as we sat through briefings together. There is no way to separate duty from the rest of your life. The camaraderie will always exist from the moment you iron your first set of uniforms. The reason it never dies is that you never know. It is the great mystery as we were informed we were on mobility status.48 hours was all I had to respond to any request from Uncle Sam. 2 days after that I had to have my tail end in whatever shit hole in the world I was needed. That is why you can never leave the service. That is why you will forever be military. When you put up your right hand in MEPS you are not saying that your 4 or 6 years is all you are giving. No, you are saying that you are joining the fraternity of defenders.To be honest, I am somewhat excited at the thought of putting on my uniform again and checking out my M16. In my heart I will always be that 18 year old A1C Schmidt. I still look in the mirror and see the tired eyes of a kid in over his head. Hurry up and wait is the story of our lives. We are in such a hurry to move on to the next thing that we often miss where we are at. To that point the military has it perfect, they offer you plenty of time to look around as you wait.

Geeks pride themselves on the ability to institute good backup routines. We laugh in the faces of those poor souls who scream and yank hair as they watch their data disappear into the ether. Tonight I realized that a fresh slate might not be such a poor thing to do once in awhile. My hard drive is full on the MacBook Pro and it is driving me crazy as I attempt to work on some virtual images. I did what any geek in my position would do and wrote a short script to hunt down where the space had disappeared to. I found it in a folder called Annulment. Annulment. I had come up close and personal with my backup routine and knew that I better inspect before simply deleting. It had been years since I looked in the folder which I had encrypted for some reason. That should have been an indicator in and of itself but I decide to unencrypted anyways. Deep down I guess I will forever be a pack rat and the rat had found his old hole now. Slowly the file names began to remind me of what was in this folder and it brought tears to my eyes. Let me state that it isn’t that I am not over the whole ordeal, I am. What is amazing if you line this up with yesterdays post is that we do well to block out the bad. When you find your 3 year old backup routine the bad comes front and center. Why do we keep mementos of a past we despise? Everyone has something in the closet, a shoebox filled with letters from a high school sweet heart, a picture of that time in the military. We keep things. I tried to think back to what was my reason for going as far as to encrypt and store this archive. What were the thoughts on my mind 3 years ago when I went through all this trouble. It seemed that reading through the documents and emails did little to remind me of why I was this stupid. Then I opened one inauspicious file that truly ripped into my heart. To respect her privacy I will only post the snippets that pertain to this 2:45AM writing: ...

Why Linux and which one? Let me take a second to review: Debian Stable 4.0 – Too old! You can’t expect me to be spoiled on my x86 architecture with the latest GNOME and Firefox and then jump back to Debian stable Debian Testing “Lenny” – Too new! The kernel is a step ahead of the Mac-On-Linux folks and therefore negates my ability to still run MacOS in Linux. Also had a heck of a time with my 6200 Nvidia Card in framebuffer. ...

I have my chillout playlist on as I sit comfortably in the Sky Harbor Airport. Today I packed up all my things and put the mini cooper on the back of a truck. It is official, I am heading home. Home is such a groggy term for me lately and this situation only serves to expound upon that. It seems like a few days ago I first moved out here. Very few realized why I took the slot here for a quick move and in search of true honesty I am going to type it up.I pushed for the move to AZ for a few months to get out of the small Alabama town where the memories hid. The house, despite me living alone there, was filled with memories of a past time I longed to forget. It wasn’t a painful memory that put me on the airplane that day, but rather the constant memory. In my life I have such a horrible habit of running away from situations that force me to admit weakness. Waking up in the morning directly following my Sign of the Cross is the mirror review. I do my best to puff my chest up high and put on the battle armor for the day. I relish the opportunity to display my manliness to the world abound. Admitting that there is a morning that I awaken and am scared to look in the mirror showcases the fact I fake the relishing.Today I awoke from a bed in AZ, tonight I will lay myself upon a pillow in AL. While the flight is nothing new, the mentality I now posses in my head is totally different. I have learned that memories are just like the air we breathe, no matter how much air you suck in, air will always be here. To expound on that slightly, memories will always surround you. There will be times as you walk down the road and take a breathe that reminds you of a past time. What I learned over the past few months is that holding your breathe only forces you to take a deeper breathe when you release. Memories are nothing to hide from. Instead of forcing myself to run from the time I had so desired to forget I am now going to breathe it in. I have so much air to breathe…so much to learn…

Alright my friends, is this right? You are a DIRECTOR/explorer You are courageous; and you seek challenges. You are a tough-minded, independent and daring thinker who likes to explore ideas or problems thoroughly. You focus easily. And you are persistent, systematic and competent in pursuing your interests and goals. You are also assertive; and you enjoy the opportunities your hard work wins. You have a lot of energy. You think quickly, make decisions more easily than most, dislike unnecessary rules, and take a rational approach to people, issues and ideas. ...