We live in hotels most of the year. Last year we “lived” in our house for less than 30 days if you don’t count our frequent reminiscing via home security cameras. I would consider myself a bit of a connoisseur in such matters of the rating and luxury of such establishments. With that said there are a few things that will QUICKLY force your hotel onto my shit list. For those starting new places I recommend you follow the list below.
- Clock missing from room – “Who would need a clock in a hotel room?” Or the second less punishable issue “I am sure the guests will love how bright this clock is at 2am with no way to block it.” This will come as a shocker, but I am not from here. If I was from here I would not be staying in your hotel. Additionally I might have been airborne for 16 hours and not fully understand where I am let alone the time locally.
- HDMI port is restricted – You know, because you really want to pay 20 CHF per pay-per-view via the crappy antenna connection. I’d love to see how many people actual pick up the sticky lodgenet remote and buy a 2-year-old movie. Luckily with a universal remote, an understanding of the hotel PPV boxes, and a little MacGyver I am able to bypass most.
- Air conditioner/Heater locked due to season with ZERO sign – Much like #1, I am not from your area. Sure for you 40C is leave your window open and enjoy the breeze weather. For me its crank the AC. I fiddle with your AC unit, stand on chairs, and ask the Wife “does this air feel cooler to you?” We sit eagerly in the direct airflow path and wait for indication. Maybe a little label on the thermostat would be great.
- Wifi is spotty – I would argue that all hotels should just install Ethernet jacks. I love when they do so I can pluck my little travel router on the wall and VPN out. Other times I have to create a STA bridge and put the router in the best wifi signal zone. I walk around with my phone doing wifi RF dumps. Has no one on the hotel technical staff done the same thing? Why?
- Internet costs money – The United Nations thinks that the Internet should be a universal right. I believe this effort is on hold since 2011 due to the Hotel Lobbyists. I can’t even tell you how much money I have spent on wifi connections so I can attend meetings. Also on this note. If I pay for your internet there better be ZERO issues. Latency, packet loss, and jitter better not be on my radar.
- Plugs on nightstand – Where do most people spend their time in hotel rooms? Bed or desk. Why are there not plugs nightstand side? Who is honestly putting their phones in the bathroom to charge overnight or sitting on the plastic couch to work on their laptops?
- Cleaning your room @ 0730 on Saturday – Or conversely we will clean your room at 1800. Don’t wake me up on a weekend to clean my room or wait till I am returning in from meetings to start. The best hotels have sensors and watch the doors before going in. Also the little signs on the door…I didn’t put them there on accident. I have woken up early on a weekend half-naked and some woman cleaning my bathroom. Startled to say the least.
- Local phone calls cost money – You know since they cost the hotel so much money.
- Can I take your bag? – “Nope I got it.” That should end this conversation, but often it does not. I understand that this is your job, but I promise you I do not need your help with my carry on Tumi.
- Bat Cave Lighting – I like a little mood lighting for the Wife and I, but when that is my only option I find myself yearning for a lantern.
- Toilet brush is absent – Give me a hose or a brush, but I need something. It is just me looking out for your staff and my Wife. Sorry, but being honest.
So there is my top 10 pet peeves. Hotel owners everywhere, You are Welcome.
Hotel Chains that kickass: