- __Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.
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- __When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal.
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- __Santa seldom answers your mail.
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- __When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he’s got, he says, “Elves make it for me.”
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- __Santa doesn’t care about your deadlines.
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- __Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did all the work themselves.
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- __Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.
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- __Santa laughs entirely too much.
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- __Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your $HOME.
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- Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.