Joy of Flushing

I live in an old home. Over 70 years old at least. I don’t know the exact date, but I know that this whole area is named for the original owners. The house is built not on a block foundation, but old oak tree trunks slopped up in molasses. All in all it is a quirky little house for a quirky guy.

Biggest problem I have had with the place is the toilet. If there was one thing you wouldn’t want to be wrong with the house it would be the toilet. I can deal with no A/C, roof, doors, holes in the floor, or monsters next door. All of those things are nothing compared to the sound of rising water. I have been through multiple hurricanes were the sound of blowing winds and rain did nothing to shake my foundation.

Toilets clogging on the other hand…

Luckily a local boy was able to come out the same day. I had nursed this puppy along for over a year now by taking ultra good care of my pipes. I sang to them in the morning shower and bought soft toilet paper for their well being and my bottom. Google was my best friend as I came up with a handy checklist from all the experts online on how to deal with septic tanks and old pipes.

Then it happened…

It started off as kind of a stench. Something not uncommon when it is a single guy and a dog sharing living quarters. I wrote it off as feeding Oscar a banana that morning was not the best idea. It was upon returning to the house that afternoon that the stench karate chopped me in in the face as the old wood door was flung open. Oscar rushed out for the yard not to “do his business,” but rather for fresh air.

I ran for the plunger and attempted CPR. No luck inside forced me to the shed for a shovel and old tennis shoes. As I made my way to the side of the old house where my septic tank rested I was greeted with nastiness. I will skip describing the area, but know this, the tennis shoes will never touch me feet again.

The old man and his sidekick came out and started working at it. I felt somewhat conquered but as I described above, I tried. I am no match for toilets that do not flush. They instill fear in my heart. “Your pipes are all screwed up, we replaced them with PVC and all is well. Call me if something goes wrong.” I just about hugged the 4 missing teeth angel from Alabama. But I sure wasn’t hugging a guy who had been playing in poo so I did him one better and gave him a check.

I can’t imagine the tellers at the bank fight over his entrance into the building. My mom was over to keep me company while the work was done. She went inside and began conducting the orchestra. A dual toilet flush with an accompanying stream of shower and sink. She let it rip. The water company was river dancing in excitement watching my meter. I had to see it for myself. I had all the opportunity too as the old man took about an hour. After Mom left I tested the toilet. I just about teared up as I watched the cyclone of water rush down the toilet. I did my happy dance and Oscar came to inspect. I am envious of the little guy, wish I could just use the yard too.

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