Today I figured out why my last relationship didn’t work out. It wasn’t the difference in faith, differing family backgrounds, lack of mutual respect. No these things were simply pebbles in the road of life. Rather the problem was yard work.

I swear to it as I rode the lawn mower today, swerving back and forth dodging chipmunks and snakes, it occurred to me that my last girlfriends father was OBSESSED with my lawn mower arsenal. From the day I moved onto this beautiful 2.8 acre plot his first question was “How you going to mow it?” To be honest I hadn’t thought about it. Scientific discussions of the validity of caring for a weed resulted in nothing. It was settled, I had to mow.

There in lies the problem, mowing that is. You see I hate mowing. With every fiber of my being I hate the very idea of cutting down a weed. For the past few months I have had a condo in Arizona and it is there I was first introduced to rocks. Out there people have smartened up and rather than planting grass they simply throw down some rocks. Biggest yard utensil you are purchasing there is a rake.

Back to the ex-girlfriend’s father…he GAVE me a lawn mower. Then to top it off her grandfather gave me one too. I simply had no excuse now as to why I couldn’t mow the lawn, heck I could use both at the same time to truly display my yard capabilities. What I didn’t realize when I moved in was that mowing this much land is an all day affair. You don’t wake up for a morning run and do your cool down around the yard. No, you wake up early in the morning and fall off the darn lawn mower that night.

A guy that travels like I do simply does not have time for this marathon mowing activity. I eagerly await the day a kid knocks on my door and offers for a small fee to trim my jungle. Crap, I will fricken relish that day. Unfortunately the kids around me are still too young. I keep my eyes open though, kid across the street mows the lawn with his kiddie mower while dad uses the real one. There is a kid with some aspirations. One day I will employ him. And one day he will have no problem picking up a southern gal, why? Because he is a guy who can mow.