I was totally unaware that having doubt in your spiritual life made you an atheist. I always thought that the commitment of being an atheist was the total denial in the existence of a God. In terms of Catholics, to be an atheist would be the denial of the God of Abraham, Father of Christ, the Spirit of the Lord. What is especially troubling in all this is the world’s desire to place an “Ah HA!” on the recent release of Mother Theresa’s letters to the world. It is as if the world has an example now to show us dumb Christians that even Mother Theresa didn’t buy it. I want to post some of her comments to let everyone know what I am talking about:
- “Where is my faith?” she wrote. “Even deep down… there is nothing but emptiness and darkness… If there be God — please forgive me.”
- “Such deep longing for God… Repulsed, empty, no faith, no love, no zeal,” she said.
- “Please pray specially for me that I may not spoil His work and that Our Lord may show Himself — for there is such terrible darkness within me, as if everything was dead,”
Now when I read those I can only imagine what the news would label my spiritual life had they access to my inner-thoughts. It is the struggle that makes us stronger. Think back to being a child and growing up, dealing with the great pains of becoming a man or woman. I know that in my pain I became a stronger person and a better Christian for it. On my knees in tears and heartache was usually the times that God did the proverbial “Now you understand” and my rebuilding made my foundation even stronger. One of the greatest stories of the Bible is of Saint “Doubting” Thomas, who until he could actually touch the wounds of our Lord believed. This is a pillar of the Church! Mother Theresa is an inspiration to my spiritual walk. A woman who devoted her life the Lord, provided so much good to the world, struggled. This makes it all the more real to me that Saints and the Religious are just like myself, human. We fall into the trap of placing people like Mother Theresa and Pope John Paul the Second on high standings of perfection. There is only one perfect man on this Earth, he died on a cross for my humanity and soul. Fear not and know that Mother Theresa struggled with us all. Atheist? Doubtful…