Packing up the memories

I realized this morning (well more exactly last night around 2am) that the reason this is dragging me down so much is the strings tied to it. Packing up and moving that is. For better or worse, this apartment was for Valarie and me. The reason I have a 2 bedroom/2 bath is because that’s what she wanted. I would have been happy with a 1br box (but am now glad I had 2br/2bth with all my visitors) that had internet. Packing reminded me of how much last ditch effort I put into this place. This was my line in the sand for the marriage. I figured if things went well when I picked her up from the airport in Shreveport then maybe she would visit and see the great apartment. I stocked it with a bunch of crap I didn’t need or like, but I knew she would. All her favorite things were nestled inside the confides of, what I hoped would be, our home. As you well know two things happened, she never came down and she left.

What is sad about all this is that I had left those things in the nestled places. Not out of remembrance or anything, but because I just don’t use much in the place. It wasn’t until I began ripping the cabinets and closets apart did I realize it was all still around. Slowly the memories of why I am here came back. I didn’t move to Biloxi for Nick…this wasn’t the place I had envisioned myself to be…this apartment was way more money than I would have willing spent for just Oscar and I…etc…etc…etc. I thanked God for the countless blessings of being here last night and thanked Him also for the move to Huntsville. A lot like the trash bag full of those things I bought for her to feel at home, my life too is shedding a few “products.” What I have learned from this move thus far is that it is time to remove the shackles of my past. I am not sure this job will work out and that I won’t be moving again here soon. I know the Good Lord will take care of me and I trust in that. What I know for sure is that I have moved on and moved forward. My apartment, job, and life in Huntsville will be entirely God’s and mine. The reasons for the move and every decision in between simply are because it was for Oscar and Nick.

Friday morning when I drive off into the sunset will feel a lot like when I left MacDill. With the sun falling behind me as I drive the truck North, I will be moving on. Sometimes that is good and sometimes it is not. But like MacDill, I left a lot of stuff behind. The last thing my father and I did was throw away all the crap of MacDill in a dumpster. So too this Friday morning I will be throwing it all in a dumpster…set for something new…

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