Reasons to hate MySpace

What I hate about MySpace….

  • “Future Mrs:” – Why do I always find people with this. Now keeping in mind that a lot of these girls are messaging me and asking me about what I am doing this weekend and such. Upon further investigation it turns out the Future Mrs is 3 months into a relationship with some dude. I have to wonder if Future Mrs isn’t Future Ex-.
    • Catholic Bisexual – I must come up with a lot of Catholic searches because I get messages from people who are Catholic and claim to be Bisexual. Now homosexuality in a sense is as much a sin as lust with heterosexuals…the theologian in me gets that. What I don’t get is why would you put Catholic if you girlfriend AND boyfriend leave you crude comments about “last night.”
      • Mary the Playboy? – I have come pretty close to hacking a few websites that have pictures of Mary with a background of the playboy bunny. The disgust in me is pretty intense. Maybe they don’t understand that they have the model of female purity back dropped against one of the greatest killers of that.
        • Just want to thank God…for my lingerie – Please stop thanking God next to your pictures of lingerie and pole dancer shots. If you want to “Thank God,” have more respect for your body and the future man in your life.
          • Gucci – Why do I need to see a picture of a Gucci label on your page? Oh wait she has a Gucci label on her page, she must be classy and rich! Want to impress me, put a picture of you in work clothes at a soup kitchen.
            • Heroes – Brad Pitt is really your hero? Is your view of the world so diluted that a man who left his wife to have an affair with an already married woman the greatest person to look up to? Is there no one else in your life that takes your breathe away for the deeds they do? I find this very saddening for today’s young people and society that a movie star is a hero.
              • Who you want to meet? – So you walk into the room to see your favorite tree hugging, liberal, abortion supporting celebrity for the night of your life. You talk about the world dynamics of free trade and your dreams and aspirations for the road ahead…yep…I am sure that is what would happen. There are so many amazing people in this world that don’t make money acting that I can think of many more I would love to just be in the same room with.
                • WEEEEEEE BEER! – Please stop posting pictures of you drunk. Please. I will get a message from some girl and click her page. “Oh wow she is in college for world studies. Look she works…oh the drunk picture.” I look at that and have to wonder how responsible you really are.
                  • Click here for porn – Why pay for porn when you can browse MySpace? I am not sure if you realize that pretty much every page on the Internet is cached. That means that in 15 years when you apply for that job, there is a good chance someone will turn up your crazy drunk night + camera.
                    • My Parents! – Yes you list them as your heroes…would they approve of your pictures and site?
                      • Media Overload – 10 music videos that start at the same time on your site is not cool. In fact it crashes most browsers. In the event that the person is running Linux (IE Nick) then they are spoiled with 10 very annoying Top 40 crap shots of sub-par music. If you must have music videos on your site, then just don’t make a site.
                        • Blink Graphics – To me this is right up there with putting the FORD sticker on your front car window. Yes I get it your name is BLAH.
                          • Fine Classical Music – I am sorry but stop listing Brittney Spears and Jessica Simpson-esque groups under music.
                            • Well they are short books – Magazines do not count as books. Listing them under the book section just makes people who read books without pictures giggle. Pickup something to expand your mind!
                              • F* U BIA – Why do we need to have the F-word in your display name. I love when someone leaves me a comment who’s display name is something vulgar or curse words. Great now I see it every time MySpace loads. Wonderful.
                                • Which Victoria’s Secret Model/Laguna Beach Are You? – You are nothing like these people. This is like relating myself to Captain Bozo..what he isn’t real you say? Neither are the people you claim to be just like. Impress me with “Which person are you like? ME”
                                  • Rolling on Dubs – I love when people post pictures of a car…that isn’t theirs…I wonder if the person that owns that car is on MySpace and runs across it only to be utterly pissed off.
                                    • I would be typing 200 WPM – sToP tAlK!nG l!CHE th!5. SHEESH! It took me 5 minutes to type that short little stint of ignorance. Imagine how much quicker you could type if you didn’t type that way.
                                      • Proud Parent – You have a kid. You have pictures of your kid. You have pictures of you drunk with boy toy #1 and #2. Great example for the little one.