Funny Jokes

So yeah here is the funny jokes for the day:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: “OK, now what?”

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I want to die in peace in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

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What’s yellow and smells of bananas? Monkey Puke.

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What’s Brown and sounds like a bell?…DUNG!

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Two cows are standing on top of a hill. One cow turns to the other cow and says: “Are you worried about mad cow disease?” The other cow looks puzzled: “Why? I’m a helicopter.”

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So these two Cesium atoms are walking down the street. Says the first Cesium atom, “oh my god! I think I’m missing an electron”. Says the second, “are you sure?” Says the first, “I’m positive”.

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Q: How do you sell chicken to a deaf man?

A: HEY, YOU WANNA BUY SOME CHICKEN??!!!!!!!

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Q: How many ADD people does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Wanna go ride bikes?

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Did you hear about the agnostic insomniac dyslexic? He lay awake at night wondering if there’s a Dog.

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So I was lying in bed one night, looking up at the stars when I wondered, “where the crap did my roof go?”

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ZING! Enjoy!

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