People usually leave a manager or team, not a company. I hear that often when communicating with HR to the importance of being a good lead. I may be just the odd man out in that I am actually leaving the company. The culture is not conducive to my future growth for the 3 reasons listed below:

1 – Attitude and Aptitude diminish in returns as positions go higher
My career has always included the phrases “You are great” and “You need a degree.” I have been fortunate that throughout my tenure at the Boeing Company to have managers and leaders allowing me to excel and tear down those barriers. As I have progressed higher up the chain though, my life is a constant battle of titles and ratings. At some point in my psyche I imagined this would fade away as I continued to hit home-runs. That has not been the case. The degree means everything at this level and I am not willing to tie my career to a sheet of paper. My decision to earn a education will be strictly because I feel the desire to do so. I accept that I will never make as much as my colleagues who have devoted their time to collegial pursuits. Their perseverance and desire earns them that right. I expect though not to be put on hold or held back when my performance at work is stellar. College opens the doors, but it should not determine advancement. Let my attitude and aptitude do that.

2 – Benefits are disappearing
3+ years ago when I signed up for Boeing it was amazing what I was offered. My pay did not match those of other defense contractors, but I was given many benefits that augmented that discrepancy. In today’s world those benefits are falling quickly. Time off, health care, education for certifications, and pensions are bargaining chips for our shareholders. We are failing to attract or retain good talent because we aren’t competitive with our peers. I imagine this to be encyclical and I am watching this on a dip, but it angers me to see multiple acquisitions and expenditures at the sake of loosing good folks. I have a great manager who’s tagline sticks with me “Keep it Sold.” Boeing is just as much beholden to the people as they are to it. Boeings ability to “keep it sold” is quickly falling.

3 – We no longer build or innovate. We provide “solutions”
We do not make widgets anymore. Instead we build solutions and in the traditional world of the Cold War that made a lot of sense. Today our customers do not want 10 year solutions or technological marvels. Instead they desire simply to have a working solution. I do not fault Boeing as much as I fault our customers also, but as leadership we should standup and change that. Instead the same tactics are deployed and contract negotiations engaged. Products that are groundbreaking are quickly laden with unnecessary capabilities or stamped with a Boeing logo and sold twice market value. The morale of the troops dealing with the churn of RFI/RFP only to loose is daunting. There is something to be said for designing and building the better mouse trap, but we will never know. It occurred to me this evening that Legos have a lot to say about our solutions. Boeing has turned into automatic Lego-kit builders. We take building blocks engineered by others and put them together for the total package. Frankly we do a damn fine job too. Our customer though is being more engaged and involved to where they want small pieces for which they will put together. In the end it comes down to the problem of not knowing what the end result is. Countless programs I have been on start with no requirements since the customer really has no clue what they want to build. The days of the Moon and Polaris are behind us.

In the end I count my blessings for the things Boeing has afforded to me. The company has given just as much as I have given her. The words that will describe Boeing in my conversations will never be negative or dismissive. I am proud to have worked with the people and ecstatic to see the things we have accomplished. Its time to try something new and give either Boeing (or myself) time to course correct. I am moving to Wyle Labs to work on projects in-line with my Information Assurance and IT background. They are affording me the opportunity to excel without the degree and opening up some doors that were closed for me at Boeing. They impressed the heck out of me in the interview and their pursuit of my skills was bar none. I felt professionally refreshed hearing them talk about their work and views. I am not moving from DC and will be working near a metro finally! I can’t wait to do good things there

Location for the first time in 3 years has been, dare I say, stable. I transitioned from the vertical living of Crystal City to a beautiful little town-home in Old Town Alexandria. This means absolutely nothing to you non-DC snobs, but equate it to moving from concrete jungle to suburbia soccer mom throw down. Oscar and I stand out like a clown at a funeral, but we enjoy the family atmosphere and nice walking sidewalks. Even if we are required to dodge yuppies at every turn. They are nice yuppies. With that stationary expression though, I must admit I type this from the airplane. My work (will cover shortly) has brought me back to the mistress of the road. We had been separated for awhile, but I am now back to knowing her well. The travel is nowhere near the amount you are all accustom to by reading my messages, but certainly enough to earn me an extra chocolate on the hotel bed pillow.

A few months ago I was given the official grade for the role I was filling. Up until then I was performing the work, but not given the same titel and responsbility. It has been a learning experience as no good work goes unpunished. The mantra I am finding is hard work just deserves some more of it. To be perfectly honest I love it and the hours are a blessing. Watching the military father I had from afar and being raised in a family of strong men has left me well equipped to take the role on. Phrases like:

• Troops are your greatest asset and biggest responsibility
• God calls you to lead by example and with integrity
• Lead from the front, not from the rear
• Set the bar high enough and someone will get their chin there
• If your men are there, you are too. Never excuse yourself from hard work because you are the boss

These all guide me on my new found adventures in to management land. My refusal to be the manager who doesn’t understand the work he is leading has helped me to stay engaged. The natural curiosity I was raised with keeps my after hours and waking moments filled with techie stuff and geeky expansion. It still makes me smile to be the guy who fixes the problem when no one else can.

All in all the year mark is approaching 1 August for my first trip to DC. When I type up my memoirs (To be titled “The Geek shall inherit the Earth”) this will serve as a chapter mark. Much growth and learning has occurred in the short time of this transition. I hope to be in a better place to catchup with you all soon. God bless, love and thank-fullness, and sheesh I ramble well :)

The red 4 door darted across one lane of traffic to the one my vehicle was inhibiting that day. Her face filled with horror as the momentum of her speed slammed into the forward motion of mine. My body was defenseless to the thrust of change finding its way to my frame. Seconds turned to minutes as timestood still. My last memory was her cranium slamming against the door frame nearest her now frightened face.

Staggered like a drunk sailor on shore leave I eventually came to. The smell of gasoline and melting metal serves as a catalyst of consciousness. One notion tugged deeply on my psyche as I searched for her. One thing would make this all okay, one thing would make this all a horrible dream, her well being.

“I am sorry Nick, I found her first.” The man’s celestial Ora keyed me into what was now happening. Her body was laid out against the black pavement and pond of blood now encircling. Tears welled up in my eyes as the realization that the man was here for two rather than one. Falling to my now ailing knees, I begged to save the child. “Please let me save this pristine life and do what you will with the venerable.” The man seemed amicable to the request and only nodded his head in the direction of her battered frame. “I don’t have all day.”

Battlefield medicine training cycled through my mind as I continued to rip my business attire into well defined strips. The blood effortlessly flowing from her leg had to be stopped and the pressure of expensive shell and tie appeared to mend. With the liquid of life now contained within her skin, I focused again on the life inside. The service had never taught delivering a child. My first feeling was that they should, how else could I ever hope to perform this?

Where the service had left me illequiped, Hollywood filled in the gaps. I had seen a delivery in sensational situations all the time. Her face was filled with fear and uncertainty as I stared down at her from my shaky knees. I certainly was not instilling a sense of confidence, but rather that of a small child finding a shattered bird or squirrel. A shoebox and grass shards would not fix this.

“Bring me some damn water!” I shrieked to the forming crowd. The wall of people must have been 3 meters back from the vista of death, but even there they felt too close. It was as if they were breathing too hard, stealing my air. The celestial man stood there calm and controlled. Effortlessly full of air and perfect heart rate. His heavenly source did little to assist me and I felt angry that such power did nothing. Just then a bottle of hotel water rolled to my feet. The wayward business traveler too uneasy to come close trickled it to us like a bowler to a pin. Cracking he seal I poured the liquid into what was left of my collar.

She was not as patient as one would thinking considering the situation and screamed for me to do something. My photo based memory and analytical thinking gave way to saving this child. The world receded from my vantage and the child slowly found this. The screams of newnessinversed the now fading sounds of pain. Carefully allowing the host body to push the child into my waiting arms, I waited for the last nudge. Our eyes met as her expression changed from that of an athlete racing to that of a mother. It must have been her first child as the vision was locked upon her miracle. Child and mothers eyes met, a smile was exchanged, a smile of a lifetime. In that silent trade was the hopes, dreams, and aspirations of a mother for her rearing.

I turned around to the man and was met with only the crowd looking on in dead silence. My arms holding what was left of this woman’s life. The child screamed as only a newborn can, indifferent to the silence of the world gazing upon her. Her face was hard to distinguish between the tears and racing heart I now had. It registered that my tears were falling upon her face and I did my best to move my head to alleviate the waterfall of sadness.

The ambulance ripped into the scene to find this young man resting upon the backs of his feet, tears from his cheeks, and life within his arms. The child was pulled hauled from my embrace and I was left alone on the pavement. With the crowd gone and the child now being cared for I collapsed to my side and curled up. There was no where to hide from the world. Removing the mask I wore tocamouflage my weakness, I sobbed.

We are all here for a reason. Today the woman’s was to give life. Her deal with God allowed a trade of hers for the infant. My mother had given me more lessons in my life than a moment exchanged in death could ever contain. My greatest desire is that thenewborn did extraordinary things in the coming years. A great deal was given to afford the opportunity. With my legs pressed firmly against my chest and my head pillowed against a yellow line, I watched tears and blood dance. It was over and I had no clue how to stand.

They placed her body in a box and buried it that day below the surface of the Earth. Her family stood on the side weeping for lost causes. The fragile child was dressed in black, even the diaper, and was the only one of the group smiling. Life and death, tears and joy, always seem to be opposite. I still felt like a child onlooking. They had taken the angel from the highway and put her in my shoebox. The grass clippings were added to the water of our eyes and there she was placed. “Son, I am not sure she will make it” my Fathers words echoed against brain, “but we can check back in the morning.” No Dad, we can’t.

Asking someone what they are passionate about, is to me, tearing beyond menial life. Ask someone what they do in life and you get the response that they are married, have a kid, drive a nice car, and work for such-and-such. I yearn to know someone deeper than the exhibit you display for the world. What is it that makes you wake up in the morning?

To be equitable, the personal revelation is my answer is just as difficult to give. What am I passionate about? I am passionate about the words lackadaisically dancing on your screen. I am passionate about keeping my honor and integrity. Passionate about greater meaning to life itself. Passionate about experiencing life as to know just how great the greater is. There a multitude of things I enjoy to do, but I am not passionate about them. Running is one of my favorite actives as is carving the mountain ridges on my motorcycle. Yet, as wonderful as they are their overall value is diminished when contrasted to the joy another persons smile brings.

Often we equate the emotion aforementioned with the endorphins of glee. As a friend of mine mentioned recently, happiness is not happiness if it all you ever know. In order for there to be ups, there must be downs. Atomists, a philosophical idea of pre-Socratic days, theorized that there was only atoms and emptiness. Only one direction was accessible, down. This deterministic path conveyed that every action was predefined. The paradigm is important to portray that passion negates the entire idea. If there is only down and one direction to move, what drives man to greatness?

I am passionately angry, passionate lover, passionate friend, passionate human, and more than anything passionate about life. Posing the question back to myself the list is too long to respond to. I yearn for emotion and feeling to offset the deep analytic nature within myself. Passion is less of an emotion than a lifestyle for me. Here is to one more passionate blog post.

• Whenever I struggled or failed, dad would always tell me “Stuck it up and go.”
• My dad taught me that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. It sure gets tiring, but he was right.
• Never start a fight, but if someone starts one with you, kick their ass and deal with the consequences later. It will teach them a lesson and show everyone that you are not one to push – because you will push back harder.
• My Dad taught me that your relationships with other people are the most important things in life.
• It is the role of a father to protect and defend his children, rationally. When times get rough when parenting, as they will, a father needs to be calm, learn all the facts, and act lovingly towards his children no matter what. Reacting emotionally and without details is always the wrong choice.
• Family dinner is not optional. The time to sit down, turn off the TV, and talk about each other’s day, politics, or anything else builds unity like nothing else. If that means that dinner is served at 8:30 or 9:30 every night, so be it.
• It is the role of a husband to never speak negatively of his wife. Any man who speaks poorly of his spouse to others is declaring himself a fool.
• My father once told me, “Don’t ever date a woman whose father called her princess.”

The last 2 are outstanding :)