Archive for Personal
October 27, 2008 at 5:59 pm · Filed under Personal
I rarely carry cash around (as evident by the many lunches I owe coworkers) and often times find bones of it in pockets. Tonight as I threw on my jacket from last years cold spell I found a bill wrapped around the inner chest pocket. Like a time capsule my mind raced to when the green had found its way in there. The times are so rare that I carry money that it shouldn’t be hard to recall the exact moment.
Problem was that I couldn’t remember where the cash was from or how it made its way into my pocket. Memories are like the old cash in a pocket, a pleasant surprise when you find them later on. Tonight one of my old memories came front and center.
There are very few people that have known me beyond a stretch of three or four years. My life has been filled with suitcases and military duty locations and therefore never afforded the chance to know people long. Even portions of my family know less than those choice friends closest to me.
Each generalization has its exception and the Franklin’s are mine. When asked how many grandparents I have I always mention three sets. A peruse through photo albums would leave you the impression they were without asking. Mrs. Dee taught me about the Eucharist, Mr. Franklin taught me the importance of accelerating in corners and being a man. Dotted through my past you will see them there standing next to me at key points in my life.
Grandparents are misrepresented by their names. Some grandparents separate the grand from parents and raise their offspring’s children. Some Grandparents are simply a card and a check on holidays. The Franklin’s were my Grandparents in the sense of love and caring.
“We are so proud of you! You have turned into a successful handsome man. You love God and He loves you.” Mrs. Dee smiled and spoke to me as she grasped my stunted frame. Seeing her after 5 years was much like reaching into that pocket and finding cash. I began to remember that the last time she had embraced me like that was after my divorce and post-hurricane Katrina. Her eyes were filled with tears, but not the joyous type that her eyes now excreted. She worried for me then and seeing me now must be a similar feeling. We are both glad that God picked me back up and happy to be there to help each other see that.
I think I might just put the notes back in my pocket. Hopefully next year when I throw the jacket on she will be there to give me a sizable hug again. Hopefully she will still be there to tell me how proud she is. Hopefully I will still be that man.
October 26, 2008 at 6:29 pm · Filed under Personal
This morning with my lungs pressed up against the cool morning air I ran through the country. Past the cows in the pasture and up the hill where the horses drink from the pond. This backdrop is like a cheesy background you find draped against people’s computer screens to make them forget the cube they live in.
Today’s world allows for me to pound my feet against Country Road 45 and tomorrow race to the Pentagon like an ant for the peanut butter sandwich dropped on a playground. Why on Earth would I trade the beauty of these stars for the twinkle of the skyscraper?
My life is filled with running, in a physical and emotional sense. I left in January of this year to the deserts of Arizona and now I rush for the Capital. To be honest I am not sure what I am afraid to stop for. This trip contrasts the last to Arizona by being of choice, not of need. I needed to leave Alabama at the beginning of this year. Now the need is nowhere to be found. This is purely with a smile on my face and the hope for something exciting.
Three states this year and the tally could surely rise. Sometimes I feel like Q*Bert, chasing around the country for something, something bigger than this.
Next time I write to the blog it will be from DC. The next time I write to this blog it will be with a new chapter heading. The book of Nick continues to grow.
October 26, 2008 at 8:10 am · Filed under Personal, Techie
I run Windows XP in a virtual machine for those few programs that lack Linux and Mac clients. I booted my FULLY PATCHED, FIREWALLED, and Windows XP Service Pack 3 to find gay sex fetish icons. Oh, gosh, I didn’t even realize I loved me some gay pr0n. When we move to virtualized solutions and slowly get rid of Windows enviroments we often forget that it is still a vulnerable machine. More and more users are booting Windows simply to interface with their corporate enviroments and not following under the security posture they believe to be in.
Environments like VMware ACE are greatly enhancing that role, but corporate IT managers are slow to embrace these technologies. The idea that we as security professionals can hide behind firewalls and IDS is repulsive and delisinaul. As Security Professionals and Architects it is time we rid ourselves of Layer 1/2/3 security and move up a few layers. There is a world of virutal that will destroy your coprorate network. Now if you will excuse me, I need to get rid of the brand new BSDM icon on my Windows Virtual Machine.
October 16, 2008 at 11:36 pm · Filed under Personal
I dress like a big geek sometimes. It isn’t uncommon to see me roll into work with jeans on and an untucked Polo shirt. On really bad days (the ones where I never made it home to sleep) you will see me in a Tshirt from time to time. Don’t get me wrong, if I am working with the customer or have meetings of importance I dress up with the best of them. I don’t mind the tie, I embrace it.
While reading through my RSS feeds today I came across two images that showed the stark contrast in how generations feel about the dress code. It is my belief that the times of wearing suits everyday to work is passing. One more generation to go and it will have all but passed. This has good and bad implications in my mind. There IS a time and place for looking professional. If you have even the chance of interacting with your customer you better look crisp. Any other day though it is important to make people feel comfortable in their work environment. Why? For the same reason that you provide AC on warm summer days, comfortable workers equal productive workers. So here are the pictures that started this post off. On the top you will find the CEO of Microsoft and on the bottom the CEO of Twitter. 
October 12, 2008 at 6:37 pm · Filed under Personal
First let me establish the baseline: self induced. There is nothing following this sentence that is forced upon me.
A year ago (or darn tooting close) I decided to break things off with my ex-girlfriend. The sinking feeling in my heart, the uneasy deja vu of past relationships, etc. What followed from that point forward was a sabbatical from all that was dating related. Let me define being single, single is not having a person to call to see what “we” are doing this weekend. Sure there have been a few lunches and dinners, but never did I allow myself to put forth the pretence of seriousness. And why?
For the first time in years I decided to cool it off. I threw myself (even more so) into work and explored who Nick was. After all this time I learned a few things. I am a geek so hold tight for the list:
1. Celibacy
Yes I wrote it. What I learned was that Priests have it figured out. Without the clout of such things, the world is clear. With some training and discipline it is possible to turn portions of your brain off. Moving beyond the “oooh shiny!” world of dating allows you to truly connect with someone before the dive into more than that.
2. Friday Nights
I will admit it, there are Fridays that suck. Then again there are Mondays that suck. What I decided to do was move from selling myself to improving myself. You would be surprised what a years worth of Friday night workouts can do for your abs and mile times. I consider this my time of restoration, like an old Chevy lost in the field I am rebuilding the engine. We devout so much of ourselves in a relationship that it is important to change the oil. I changed my oil.
3. Caves
Wandering in the desert sure did Moses right. The monks of the Early Church put themselves in places where only God could speak to them. In a way I did also. My friends will vouch that I have been a blackhole for calls and emails. The reason is that I needed to cut it off, everything. Fixing what is broke means focusing on just that, the broke.
Great, a list of 3 things I did right! Time to segway into what I did wrong.
1. Satisfaction
There is only so much gleaned satisfaction from working hard. I kick ass at what I do and am proud of what God’s blessings have allowed me to do. There is a diminishing return though on time vs. work. You reach a point where the hours simply do not provide for the same satisfaction. I regularly push that boundary (148 hours last 2 weeks)
2. Connections
Here is where I know I can never be a Priest or monk, I yearn for human contact. Not just the touch of a hand or a smile…personal connections where true emotions are shared. This comes in many forms, but the simple act of sharing life feeds my soul. A lack of connection with people forces me to become docile. Wits and smarts aside, my attacks and plans are dulled by no sharpness. Man sharpens Man and I truly believe that. Without someone there to challenge you in anyway you fail to progress. Running against yourself keeps you consistent, but running with a friend makes you excel.
3. Focus
I loose my focus. There, I said it and will admit to being less focused as a hermit. In my past I have gazed upon married men with such pity as I knew they had little time to advance their skills and knowledge. Wife and kids take time away from what was once filled with hacking on code. What has happened over the past year is I have lost focus. Lost focus on much more than simply computers, but life in general. Confessions, adoration, Mass, family, friends, etc. When a photographer takes pictures he doesn’t start with the closest shot. Rather, he first starts from afar and bore-sights the thing he truly needs to capture. This ability to see beyond the shot means options are open.
What is next? There is the million dollar question. After a years worth of single I have to admit I am indifferent to it. Recognizing that being single is just as much work as being someone’s better half has helped me realize that I am okay either way. The past year has been filled with ups and downs, joy and sorrow, and a lot of learning. At the end of the day I no longer need someone there. That is the biggest change in my life. What was once a requirement is now a nice to have. Rather than looking for a mate like one searches for water in the desert, I now search for a mate like a coffee junkie at Starbucks. The possibilities are endless and Lord knows I enjoy a good cup of java. So that is next, the next cup, the next drop, the next perfect steamy cup of java. Frankly I have made it this long and I am willing to wait for perfection.
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