Archive for May, 2006
May 31, 2006 at 5:58 pm · Filed under Personal
So yeah here is the funny jokes for the day:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: “OK, now what?”
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I want to die in peace in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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What’s yellow and smells of bananas? Monkey Puke.
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What’s Brown and sounds like a bell?…DUNG!
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Two cows are standing on top of a hill. One cow turns to the other cow and says: “Are you worried about mad cow disease?” The other cow looks puzzled: “Why? I’m a helicopter.”
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So these two Cesium atoms are walking down the street. Says the first Cesium atom, “oh my god! I think I’m missing an electron”. Says the second, “are you sure?” Says the first, “I’m positive”.
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Q: How do you sell chicken to a deaf man?
A: HEY, YOU WANNA BUY SOME CHICKEN??!!!!!!!
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Q: How many ADD people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride bikes?
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Did you hear about the agnostic insomniac dyslexic? He lay awake at night wondering if there’s a Dog.
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So I was lying in bed one night, looking up at the stars when I wondered, “where the crap did my roof go?”
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ZING! Enjoy!
May 30, 2006 at 7:17 pm · Filed under Personal
Like the rookie night before the game,
Unsure of the road ahead,
In my uneasiness I pour,
The thoughts out of my head,
A sip here and a dabble there,
Enough to throw me off,
I know for sure tomorrow,
My coach will yell and scoff,
I know the big game is coming,
But I party anyways,
The whole time thinking,
Of all my wasted days,
And I know tomorrow morning,
When the coach calls for me to play,
I will be to drunk and stupid,
To really cease this day,
The pine will be my ride,
And I will sit there for eternity,
Sore from the jagged grain,
Angry at the damnation’s certainty…
May 25, 2006 at 5:15 pm · Filed under Personal
1.) My 1997 Saturn SL1 crossed the 160k mile mark. Thats right, this poor car has gone 160,000 miles. AWESOME! I mean here it is getting 40 miles to the gallon, chugging along. I laugh at all you people in your new cars! HAHAHA! Lets do some Math:
My car gets on average 34 miles to the gallon. That means the following:
The car has been filled up ~ 4,705 times
During that time, if the price of gas was on average 3.00 dollars, it cost 141,150 dollars over these years.
If I drove a 2006 Dodge Hemi I would have filled up ~ 14,545 times
It would have cost 872,700 dollars
2.) Best hot sauce ever at Los Trejos Amigos! It was super hot and made me want to eat everything….which I did…including Kade’s tacos…then I was sick….but it was good. Here is a picture to see what it looks like. Make sure if I am at your house this is in the fridge 
May 24, 2006 at 9:51 pm · Filed under Personal
I asked Kade to grace my walls with her beautiful art. Being the Catholic dude I had to have Fish…Eucharist…yeah. So I showed her some of Rudolf Koch’s stuff from the 1930’s. What she came up is nothing short of amazing. I am in love with her stuff and can’t wait to post subsequent blogs showing you the beatitudes one she is doing next. Anyways here is the picture with a short description of the <>< Christian Fish thingie.
Scripture about Fish:
Mark 1:17 - Jesus said to them, “Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men.”
Matthew 14:17 - But they said to him, “Five loaves and two fish are all we have here.”
John 21:6 - So he said to them, “Cast the net over the right side of the boat and you will find something.” So they cast it, and were not able to pull it in because of the number of fish.
Around the 16th century Christians began using the Greek word ichthys for “fish”. Ichthys is the most commonly used word in the New Testament for fish. Ichthys consists of five letters from the Greek alphabet: I-ch-th-y-s. When these five letters are used as initials for five words, we obtain this Christian Declaration: Iesous Christos Theou Yios Soter. This is an acrostic for ‘Jesus Christ, God’s Son, Savior.’
May 24, 2006 at 9:38 am · Filed under Personal
Imagine the look on my face (or don’t because that would mean you are in the bathroom with me) as I look down to see a lady…in the bathroom…stuck to the wall. Yes I know, sounds weird but there she was. At first I didn’t know what ot say. I kept quiet. It was like she was just staring at me. What was her problem? Well I showed her…I took a picture or two of her watching me use the bathroom:
A closeup:
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